Goddamnit, boy, why'd you do it? *

a) he wants to be a mime and didn't know how to tell me b/c he can't speak that well, which is why he might want to be a mime, which is why he didn't tell me, which is why he took matters into his own hands, literally

b) he thought (correctly) that a Triple Paste mask treatment might help the unsightly patch of dry skin near his eye (although this doesn't explain the rest of the face, unless it was some sort of prophylactic)

c) he wants to be a clown and make people laugh b/c laugh and the whole world laughs with you and cry and goddamnit boy I'll give you something to cry about

d) he wanted to get a buzz cut and knew the Triple Paste would be almost impossible to remove from his hair and the face, hands, and feet were merely collateral damage

e) he knows how I adore Triple Paste and proselytize about it constantly and he thought I would love him more if he were covered in it and did not realize that I would actually love him less b/c he wasted at least $12 (conservative estimate) worth of the finest diaper paste on the market


* Title thanks to reality-is-better-than-fiction: in a transcript on a criminal case I worked on, a guy who was talking to his brother (who was being held in jail for murder) on a telephone which included a recording at the beginning stating that all calls were recorded, said, at one point, "Goddamnit, boy, why'd you do it?"