Resurfacing

The longer you don't blog the harder it is to jump back in. After I haven't blogged in a long time, I get so hung up on everything that I should have blogged about, about everything I have to catch up on, and get so fixated on being all-inclusive that I end up not blogging at all. Which is pointless. "All or nothing" = stupid. I am really working on being more mindful and trying to enjoy the present, if only in little bits (yes, I am turning into a New Age freak before my very own four eyes). Before I got totally overwhelmed by parenting and working and grief and all of the bullshit of the 21st century, I used to tell folks how much I loved being a parent because it meant that every day, at least once, Sop.hie would do or say something that would make me unspeakably happy, if only for a moment, and that life was not like that for me before I had her. Often I blog about these magical moments, but when I get too stressed out, just too overwhelmed, they start passing me by - somehow I don't notice them as much or they don't get to me the same way. Luckily, I'm seeing those moments more and more again. Tonight Car.ina came out to go potty after she'd been tucked in and as I was helping her put her diaper back on, she started singing a sweet song she was making up about putting on a diaper, a diaper, a diaper, and her joy in that moment brought me into it with her. As cliche as it is, it's undeniably true that you can learn a lot from little kids. They are some one-mindful, living-in-the-present-moment little motherfuckers.